GardenCards Humor

Here is some humor we hope you enjoy.

I found the Senility Prayer at the doctor's office. You see I have been diagnosed with Gardener's Elbow! No kidding and yes, it is the same thing as Tennis Elbow and treated the same way. So I am suppose to rest my elbow. Fat chance!

My dear aunts found the Letter to a Son at Church and we have to share that as well.

Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to -
forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older, (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've learned...

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Brain.

THREE- I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

FIVE- All reports are in, life is now officially unfair!

SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT- Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

NINE- I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE- It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.

                           Annonomous

A Norwegian Mother's Letter to her Son

I am typing this letter slowly as I know you can't read very fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the Norwegian family that lived here took the numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine; the first one I ever saw. I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since! It only rained twice this week - three days the first time and four days the second. The coat you wanted me to send you - your Aunt Olga said it would coast too much to mail with buttons, son, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet if it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an uncle or an aunt. Your Uncle Bud fell into a whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he heroically fought them off and drowned. We cremated him. He burned for three days. Not much else has happened, Write more often.

Love Mom

PS I was going to send money, but the envelope was already sealed before I could get around to it.

                           Annonomous

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